Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
