If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My vagina is officially offended.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
