other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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