Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think your dad took our porno
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
how does that bad decision feel?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
