No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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