Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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