so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
