i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
