he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
be right there i have to get my cape
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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