I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
