i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
