Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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