so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
