The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
