How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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