Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
