I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
