i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
