I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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