You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
