Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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