Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
