When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
