So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
