i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
