I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I could fuck to npr.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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