Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
