fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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