This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
