she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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