I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
