OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
