I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
