I'm so fucking centered right now
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
