guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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