I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This toilet bowl is my home.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
