whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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