I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
