I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
