imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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