Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
