fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
