I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
