I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
