There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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