Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
