You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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