Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
