so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize