You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
