just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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