she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
