Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
