this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
