I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
