You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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