i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
