WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
